in fact, this free ride has reached its destination.

So me thinks that things are going to get crazy hectic very soon. And I'm not sure that I'm fully prepared to handle it all. But I'm going to have to. I'll be working two jobs come this Monday or the following Monday. With that, I'll be maintaining a social life, a relationship, and family. On top of that, I'll most likely be moving shortly into a house with my grandmother. And then after that, I'll be going back to school.

If I go missing, don't come looking for me. XD

you're so two-thousand-and-late.

Well, its been a while since I've actually updated anything. Let me start by saying this: I'm smitten with a song by Anberlin called "Feel Good Drag". Go listen now. Kthnx.

Wow. I've run out of ways to open blogs, which is a hard thing for me to say, considering I feel like I've been blogging [and failing at updating blogs] since the big bang first happened. You'll have to excuse me from now on if I fail miserably at updating. I'm actually getting things together for once in my life and I finally feel like things are headed in a very uplifting direction. Let me see if I can try to explain it all to you.

I've been out of my parents house since January of ths year, out on my own, or almost on my own. I live in an apartment about an hour and a half northwest of my parents' house. I live with my best friend of nearly seven years now, Haley, and her boyfriend, Jesse. On top of that, I also stay with my boyfriend of two and a half months, Tim, at his house with his parents whenever I can. Being with them all just gives me this overwhelming sense of freedom that I never had at my parents house, as most kids never do. Its crazy how unlikely it is that you use that freedom, but you didn't hear that from me.

Speaking of relationships, mine's going well, thanks for asking. It seems like everyday, I get closer and closer to him and I couldn't be more thankful for someone who actually wants to be with me and shows no signs of doubting where this could go. He's the jelly to my peanut butter, since I would never ever consider myself like jelly. But yes. I'm very, very, very smitten with my Tim. Two months has gone by so quickly that it feels like we've been going out so much longer than that.

I've finally decided to just go with my original plan when it comes to furthering my education, and that plan was a major of forensic science/criminal justice. I know I watch way, way too many crime drama television shows, but I can't help but want that still. If you're wondering, I'd consider myself to be a toned-down version of Abby from NCIS or a toned-up version of Greg from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Just so you know. But, anyway, Tim's mom, Lisa [who, by the way, is absolutely one of the greatest people I know], attends classes online at Kaplan University [if you guys get new enrollees from me, I want money!], and they have a very nice criminal justice program with emphasis in crime scene investigation, which has a further emphasis when you actualy get your degree and can intern at a crime lab. Tuition is like crazy high, but oh well. Such is the price you pay when you're undecided for a year, eh?

Anyway. That's about all I have to update on for now. I've been crazy busy trying to find a way to move my grandma up here so I can take care of her. Oh, that's what I forgot to mention. .... Voila! 

Love, 

Nukkah. <3

There are times where all you can do is just wonder. You wonder what your life would be like if you chose an apple compared to a tomato, a banana or an orange. And also, you can't help but wonder if the world's actually going to end in 2012, like it has been predicted to do. Some wonder is intriguing, other wonder doesn't really make you feel all that comfortable. I wonder a lot, if you must know. I wonder about a lot of things. But no one particular wonder seems to bother me more than what if my grandfather were still alive. Would he be proud of me? Would he be angry? Would things be a lot more different than they are now? Would I be without Tim, without Sam, without Haley, without my friends? Would I be alone?

And since that makes me really uncomfortable, I'll let it go. But I thought I'd share that. There isn't much else that I feel like sharing. Since I opened this window in my browser, I've felt a severe lack of blogging feelings. I don't feel like blogging anymore. I'm looking at houses, I'm looking to move out. I'm looking for things to go my way.

if you could only see the way he loves me.

There's something about Monday, isn't there? There's something about the day that causes some sort of dread and hate within me. It just seems like every Monday, I find something to criticize myself with and thus feel like I'm worthless again. And believe me, on any other given day, I would recognize and appreciate my own self-worth. I know how important I am to some people and how much they all mean to me. So disappointing them is never a pleasant thought. And yet, every Monday, their voices are all blocked out by the overwhemling nagging inside my head that doesn't seem to go away until either 1) someone finds some pleasant way to get to me, or 2) midnight on Tuesday morning.

I feel like there's something horribly wrong with me, that I'm a tragedy in waiting. My life is not tragic, nor has it ever been close to being deemed tragic. In fact, my life, in retrospect, is practically flawless. Apart from some major bumps, bruises, heartaches, and losses along the way, there's not really been anything massively wrong with my life or where its headed.

When I was younger, I thought I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life. I had so much direction in my life that I was doing loops in my head trying to figure out what path would be the best for me. And that worked for a while. I started college in the fall of 2007, just a few months after my high school graduation. I lasted a measely year before I dropped it because I had no idea where I was supposed to go or what in the world I was supposed to do. And to this day, almost a year and a half after I stopped going to classes, I still have no idea which path my life is supposed to take. And this makes me feel absolutely god-awful, miserably, or however else you want to describe it. Insertwordformiserablehere. I feel like I'm such a failure because I'm following my mother's exact footsteps, and that was everything that she didn't want for me. I mean, I know there are plenty of things I could do with my life. Plenty. I could work in IT, I'm a natural with computers. I love languages, and that's what I've been leaning toward most recently. Forensics is still rather interesting, and writing seems like it would keep me satisfied for the rest of my life also. My heart is torn in so many different directions, and I think its due to all of the pressure to make something of myself, to do something significant in my life so I can tell my kids and grandkids how absolutely amazing it was. 

Everything seems so fairly insignificant. My friends all have problems that are far worse than mine. And here I am bitching. Yey.

you leave me with my jaw on the floor.

If there is anything that I have learned about roadtripping, it is that you should always listen to the advice that you find from the back of the bathroom stall door while you're sitting on the toilet. Driving from Kentucky into Tennessee, as well as from Tennessee to Arkansas, was fairly uneventful. There was nothing major that really seemed to stand out. I was, I admit, very disappointed by the Memphis skyline, though I did look from all of the different views of the city.

I feel like I've already been in Texas for more than a week, and its a rather unnerving feeling. Its as if I'm trying to get back to Ohio quickly. [Kyle, if you read this, no. We're not leaving early.] I am not so sure what it is that I'm afraid of now that I've been around Brandon and Kali, as well as Allen and Kyle. But something doesn't seem right with me, thought I can't quite put a name to it. Its a weird feeling, to say the least.

We've done a lot in the past few days, as spending seventeen hours in a car with two insane guys proves quite well. I've been putting up pictures as well as a couple of videos on YouTube with some of the more hilarious things that have been said and done. All in all, everything is rather amazing and I'm so glad that I have come down to Texas in the first place. Its lovely, though the drivers suck.

Well, I'm off to the world of the entertaining people.

xoxo Nukkah.

let december glow in flames.

I feel like I should be better at this, but I'm not. I'll try, I suppose. For anyone that's stumbling around here, why the hell are you wasting your time reading the ramblings of a perfectly insane girl who happens to spend the majority of her time on the internet? I don't understand, but, nonetheless, hello. The name is Nika, and I'm the insane one that I mentioned before. I guess I can tell you a bit about myself and then get on into a little bit of rambling about life and such before I head off to sleep.

I'm twenty years old, just turned in December, and I've recently moved out of my parents house into an apartment with my best friend and her boyfriend. So far, so good. I'm a rather outgoing person online, but the polar opposite if you were to first meet me in person. I'll be the first person to ever admit that I know how complicated I am. And I appreciate the fact that I'm as complicated as I am. In fact, I love it.

I'm currently in a hotel room with my other best friend, Allen, and our mutual friend, Kyle. We've been here for the past couple of days, hanging around my new hometown since there wasn't enough room in the apartment to host us all. So I decided that I would stay with them so that it didn't seem rude of me. I figure someone'd at least do the same for me someday. Or I hope. Allen and Kyle are both people I've met online, at one particular website to say the least, and so far they've proven not to be in the least bit as psychotic as the people your parents warn you about when you get online. And believe me - I've known the type of people they tell you about, but never from online. Maybe since I've said this, karma will see fit to deal me that kind of a hand. Oh well, I guess.

My stomach is rather upset, most likely from the wings that I ate at Hooter's with the guys. Or the fact that I had hot sauce on the time. And that it was mixed with ranch. Which. I totally don't understand why they charge for the dipping sauce for wings. Especially since most other places don't charge. And the sauce wasn't even that good. It was very watered down, I thought. But its a little late for that now. Allen will just eat the rest of them on the way to Texas tomorrow. Oh, yeah. The guys and I are heading to Texas for a week. Its a little vacation party. Look at me. I said "the guys" as if I hang out with them all the time; like this is something that happens on a regular basis. And its most definitely not. It would be cool if it were though. I wouldn't mind actually having people to hang out with.

xoxo Nukkah.